We are not dead, we are just dead slow.

It was fabric based children’s playthings designed to promote creativity in small people that distracted us working in the early days, a fact reflected in the very early VSV single ‘Homework’ – “Fuzzy Felt’s a great temptation, I haven’t done my homework” we sang.  We are still pretty much striving to perfect the art of procrastination, these days one of us still drinks gin in a hammock and the other does bad things to the inners of electrical items, but our distractions are slightly more abstract.   Here are some recent examples.

Do giants play chess?
What is the answer to this: 1 2 (cos(ax−bx)−trolley(ax+box))−k 2 (egg(ax+bx)+cos(ax−bra))−1 {Elvis(ax)cos(bx)}/sin(ax) + 1/gin(ax) ] = 
Can you capture a castle with just a stick with nails in?
What is the difference between a Moomin?
Can we have a song with sha-la la’s in the chorus?
Hoe does Hans Moretti do the cardboard box illusion?
Does PJ Harvey prefer cider vinegar, or just normal vinegar, like Sarson's? You can’t assume that just because someone is from Dorset they like a lot of cider?



Ralf goes for salt and sauce
 

I also wonder what Ralf Hütter has on his chips.  I spent five nights waiting outside the Tait Modern during the recent Kraftwerk residency, but couldn’t get near the man.  Although the concept of playing in a turbine hall has prompted us to start a list of inspired places we can play live.  We don’t want to break the habit of actually encouraging or helping people to get to see us playing live, there must have been some kind of terrible mistake at our last gig at Henry’s in Edinburgh when all those people turned up.  Actually the last time we set foot in there we were roaring drunk and found ourselves jiving to some fairly brutal drum and bass, but that’s a story for another day.  A short gig at the back of the abandoned swimming pool in Stirling would ensure total disinterest, especially ‘unplugged’.  We have added The Three Holes in the village of Tweedbank to the list, it might be easier of you can just imagine this is a pub or something cause the truth is just too ridiculous and it would take too long to really tell you about the three holes, however it really is just three holes, in Tweedbank.  We are still pretty keen on the tribute act scam.  This is where we sell ourselves as a top class tribute act for a hat load of hard cash, possibly some band also featuring brothers, do a terrible job but do a runner before all hell breaks loose.  So for example, the local British Legion is putting on a tribute night.   We come along as Sparxs for £950 plus all the gin we can drink, but instead of actually playing a note, we play Kimono My House through their shitty PA they normally use for the bingo, dance about for a bit,  then do a runner before the end of Equator.  

Stirling Pool, the perfect venue
 

Of course one of the saddest things about the passing of Kevin Ayres is we never got to ask him if he preferred to take his picnic lunch in the park, in the countryside, on top of an open top double decker touring round Peterborough, or simply at his desk.  Voices and I’m ashamed to say, fists, have been raised when debating that one.  We will never know.

This is all a lot for us to think about, but if you can be patient for just a little bit longer, we’ll have another record out before too long.  Perhaps.