It was
fabric based children’s playthings designed to promote creativity in small
people that distracted us working in the early days, a fact reflected in the
very early VSV single ‘Homework’ – “Fuzzy Felt’s a great temptation, I haven’t
done my homework” we sang. We are still
pretty much striving to perfect the art of procrastination, these days one of
us still drinks gin in a hammock and the other does bad things to the inners of
electrical items, but our distractions are slightly more abstract. Here are some recent examples.
Do giants play chess?
What is the answer to this: 1 2 (cos(ax−bx)−trolley(ax+box))−k 2 (egg(ax+bx)+cos(ax−bra))−1 {Elvis(ax)cos(bx)}/sin(ax) + 1/gin(ax) ] =
Can you capture a castle with just a stick with nails in?
What is the difference between a Moomin?
Can we have a song with sha-la la’s in the chorus?
Hoe does Hans Moretti do the cardboard box illusion?
Does PJ Harvey prefer cider vinegar, or just normal vinegar, like Sarson's? You can’t assume that just because someone is from Dorset they like a lot of cider?
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Ralf goes for salt and sauce
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I also
wonder what Ralf Hütter has on his chips. I spent five nights waiting outside the Tait
Modern during the recent Kraftwerk residency, but couldn’t get near the
man. Although the concept of playing in
a turbine hall has prompted us to start a list of inspired places we can play
live. We don’t want to break the habit
of actually encouraging or helping people to get to see us playing live, there
must have been some kind of terrible mistake at our last gig at Henry’s in
Edinburgh when all those people turned up.
Actually the last time we set foot in there we were roaring drunk and
found ourselves jiving to some fairly brutal drum and bass, but that’s a story
for another day. A short gig at the back
of the abandoned swimming pool in Stirling would ensure total disinterest, especially
‘unplugged’. We have added The Three
Holes in the village of Tweedbank to the list, it might be easier of you can
just imagine this is a pub or something cause the truth is just too ridiculous
and it would take too long to really tell you about the three holes, however it
really is just three holes, in Tweedbank.
We are still pretty keen on the tribute act scam. This is where we sell ourselves as a top
class tribute act for a hat load of hard cash, possibly some band also
featuring brothers, do a terrible job but do a runner before all hell breaks
loose. So for example, the local British
Legion is putting on a tribute night.
We come along as Sparxs for £950 plus all the gin we can drink, but
instead of actually playing a note, we play Kimono My House through their shitty
PA they normally use for the bingo, dance about for a bit, then do a runner before the end of Equator.
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Stirling Pool, the perfect venue
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Of
course one of the saddest things about the passing of Kevin Ayres is we never got
to ask him if he preferred to take his picnic lunch in the park, in the
countryside, on top of an open top double decker touring round Peterborough, or
simply at his desk. Voices and I’m
ashamed to say, fists, have been raised when debating that one. We will never know.
This is
all a lot for us to think about, but if you can be patient for just a little
bit longer, we’ll have another record out before too long. Perhaps.
